• Kink and the Kitty

Meet the Kitty

Updated: Jan 8

"Tell me more about you." is one of the most common messages I get in my inbox. I've decided to answer that for you in this weeks edition of "Ask the Kitty."

Kink and the Kitty exists to empower people to have better, more fulling sex, share tools for improving communication, encourage people to be advocates for their needs, reduce sex shame and connect community. For a while, I was struggling with my place as an educator. "Have I been doing this long enough?" "Am I qualified?" "Do I know enough about kink to be respected in the BDSM communities?" What I've realized recently, is it doesn't matter.

I'm a hairstylist by trade. For 16 years, women have relaxed in my chair, trusting me with their appearance, and with that, their hearts. They have shared with me their insecurities, their hopes, their pain, their break-ups, their trauma, their desires, and more. I've determined that people of all ages, races, and gender expressions share one thing in common: Shame.

About a year ago, a friend of mine sat me down for a serious conversation. She wore her fear like lipstick and was reluctant to share what was going on. I had already concluded that she must be dying from the thick mood strangling the room. She choked back her words, but with a whimper, she muttered, "It's bad." I finally coaxed the news from her mouth, and she laid it at my feet. "I'm a cam model!" I had to stop myself from laughing, and the relief I felt was palpable. "That's it?" I answered, "I thought you were dying!" I said and she exclaimed "I knew I could tell you without you judging me!" and I watched her expression relax as the shame began to wash from her face.

I live my truth, unapologetically. Life is short and what people think about me isn't much of a concern, in fact, its none of my business. She knew she could tell me because I granted her permission to be herself by being myself. I hope to permit you to be yourself too.

So, it doesn't matter how many kink classes I've taken. It doesn't matter how well I can intertwine beautiful strands of rope along the lines of your body. I want to inspire you to love and accept yourself, and I am choosing to do that through sex and relationships because we feel the most shame in our sexualities, our desires, and our gender expressions. I want you to amplify the love in your life and challenge your ingrained ways of thinking. Kink is a journey of self-expression, brutal honesty, and radical self-acceptance. I believe if we can learn to love these aspects of ourselves, we can change the world. Because when we love and accept ourselves, we love and accept those around us.

So, how did I find kink? Or rather, how did kink find me?

I've been bisexual since I can remember. I experimented with women long before men. My first relationship out of high school was with a kinky couple, and so from the commencement of my adult life, alternative relationships and kink were standard. I began attending Burning Man and shortly after started performing as a fire dancer, often at Lifestyle events and Fetish Balls. My exposure made me hungry for new experiences. I started exploring BDSM in my mid 20's and became fascinated, devouring online forums and books. I began my journey as a Domme to women, because I felt, at the time, my submission would make me weak. I later discovered myself to be a full switch and now find myself three years into my first 24/7 dynamic as a submissive.

I blissfully identify as a pansexual, polyamorous, cis woman and use she/her pronouns, as well as a primal kitten, occasional little and enthusiastic sadomasochist. I reside in the mountains part-time on my 35-acre ranch, where I do most of my writing, gazing out at the Sangre De Cristo mountain range. I also operate as a webcam model (you can email or DM me if you are interested in shows/content.) When I'm in the city, I continue to work as a stylist and live with my delicious Daddy Dom. We are currently in a primary dynamic but striving every day to move towards a more ethical non-hierarchy structure. Im not in a relationship with anyone else, but I am dating some rather delightful characters. In the future, I aim to be available to you as a lifestyle coach.

I hope this has given you some insight into me and my goals, for both you and KatK, and that you'll continue to read along as I publicly delve deeper into kink, polyamory, and life of self-examination.

To stay up to date on all my writings, sign up for my email list and follow me on facebook. Until next time!

Your Kinky Kitty,

Jessica RAVAGE