Don't Take It Personally
Updated: Jan 8
I must be getting older. My tolerance for bullshit is getting lower as my age keeps getting higher. I turned 32 last week and I'm presenting two giant middle fingers to everything that doesn't serve me. Don't get me wrong, there's something to be said for the ability work through the shit, but my tolerance is severely lacking and so is my filter.
Why do we pretend? Why does it have to be so offensive when we honestly say to someone, this isn't working for me. Why do we allow others to control our emotions?
We don't have to.
I write this as my partner is napping. He's honestly had a very rough few weeks. And rightly so, he's grumpy and worn out. I was having a very productive morning working on my blog, women's meetups, my new book club, a Patreon. He come's home and somehow I allow him to suck the joy and excitement out of me in roughly 2 seconds flat. I want him to be excited for me, with me. I advise him to take a nap and as I'm laying there next to him drifting off, attempting to continue pressing onward in my work. I feel it rising in me. I'm annoyed. I'm blocked. The creative juices have stopped. I decide to get up and head to the couch where I begin the endless scroll through Facebook.
Refresh... Scroll.. not even reading it. Not even looking at it. I'm looking through it.
At that moment I realize how ridiculous I'm being. He hasn't done anything wrong. I did. I took his energy and made it personal when it wasn't. I don't have to be grumpy. I don't have to let it affect me. And when I stop, when I refuse to allow it to affect me, I find compassion.
I'm reminded of another instance where I started seeing this girl. The sex was incredible. She was as dirty as me and the three of us together were fire. It was kinky, sweat dripping, cum licking, fucking all night good. Until it wasn't.
We decide to be friends, yet over and over we disappoint each other. I tell her she's not showing up. She says I'm immature.
For over a month this goes on. Dear friends one minute and stewing the next. Obsessing over every word. Allowing it to permeate my mind, my days, my nights. And finally enough is enough and we decide to go our separate ways. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to spiral into overanalyzing every word. Into the days of messages back and forth trying to get the other one to see our point of view. And neither does she.
So we stop.
We genuinely wish each other well. We end the cycle.
Is it such a bad thing to look at a situation, a person, a relationship, and honestly say, "This is no longer serving me", and let it go. Love it for what it was, appreciate the good and send it sweetly down the river.
I'm reminded of The Four Agreements: Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best
I can't control the world around me, but I can control myself and how I react.
And with that thought, I tuck him in, kiss his forehead, leave a glass of water on his nightstand, and get back to work.
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Your Kinky Kitty,